Take Me To Church

It shouldn't still hurt

But it does

The wound starts to heal

Then hits reverse

Emotional water

Breaks through the dam

It's like a drummer

Wowing the crowd

It won't stop

It won't end

The ache is stronger

Than when it began

Breathe deep

Breathe long

Don't forget 

The Father's song

One score and a Quinceañera

As I reflect on what I've done during my 35th year of life, I can't help but be thankful. It started with wonderful celebrations with friends. And will conclude the same way. 

Everything wasn't rosy. I had friends move away, friends move on to eternity, and a number of medical-type nuisances. Through it all, I have been blessed. 

I was going to talk about every thing I did, but realized how long the list is. Wow! What a year! So I will do a quick run-down without a lot of detail. 

First and foremost I got to spend time with family all over the US. This includes the family I chose for myself through great friendships. My nieces and nephews are growing and enjoying life. That fills my heart with so much joy. Some of my friends' families grew with spouses and children as well.  I am happy I was privileged enough to share in those great moments with them.  I met a great new friend who is moving to Chicago for work this spring. Yaahhh! Can't wait! I have great friends who are still in Chicago with me that I cherish everyday. They help keep me sane and know how to put a smile on my face. One of my childhood friends came to visit and we finally saw an NBA game together.  It may have taken two decades from when we dreamed it up, but it happened. Friends and family made my year fantastic. We saw John Legend, went to summer festivals, had beach days, and discovered Stan's Donuts. Yaahhh us! 

I met some cool celebrities, too, like Bob Harper, Candice Bure, and Richard Sherman. I attended a number of memorable sporting events. I saw the Williams sisters in the US Open, Derek Jeter at Yankee stadium, the All Blacks at Soldier Field, and JJ Watt plus other NFL greats at the Pro Bowl.  It wasn't too bad watching the great Tony Bennett coach the UVA Men's basketball team all the way to the Sweet Sixteen either. 

I accomplished my own sporting milestone by completing a half-marathon. While training for it during the Winter and Spring, I had a lot of time for thoughtful reflection. It helped remind me of God's everlasting glory. Race events throughout the year were fun and exuberant. Whether I walked, ran, or just volunteered, it was an opportunity to soak up Chicago's great running community. One of the best parts about this city. 

I completed the "100 Happy Days" project and learned how many things in my days make me happy. I recommend everyone do it. I learned to knit and discovered the fun of Farmers Markets. As my 35th year came to a close, I traveled with friends, had a blast, and let my heart feel at peace. 

Thank you to everyone that contributed to my great year. I am ready to turn 35 tomorrow with all of you in my life.  As always, I love you! I can't wait to keep enjoying life with you. 

Picture Perfect

Worth a thousand words

That I can't explain

Feelings of explosion

Kept secret inside

It makes my heart beat

And break apart too

It sits there alone 

Lonely, like you? 

Friends

Over the past two weeks, I've run a half-marathon, got my wisdom teeth taken out, experienced a lot of grief for friends who are experiencing trauma, and had a family member go through surgery.  Being single in the windy is a little more poignant when there are so many things going on at the same time.  Especially when, like me, you are not just single, but also far away from biological family.  That's when the family we choose becomes more valuable.

The older I get, the more I am focused on the quality of my friendships and less focused on the quantity.  My small network of chosen family in the Chicago-land area is amazing.  I'm so thankful for their love and support.  Starting with my friend who not only cheered for me at the finish of my first half-marathon, but also signed up and did it; to the friend who waited for me to finish my surgery, took me to get my meds and milkshake, and then took me home.  These are small acts to some, but huge acts for me.

I have friends who check-in on me via texts (true friends know this is the best way to reach me) just to let me know they are thinking about me.  After experiencing this, I realize how much that means.  While I was in a great deal of pain, these small messages helped my heart, which I'm sure helped me heal faster.  It also makes me want to be this type of friend to them and others.  I appreciate those who saw me, knowing that I do not like to show weakness in public, and still asked how I was doing.  While smiling, I would give them a very truthful answer about my pain tolerance (or lack thereof).  Their small hug of encouragement and/or prayer gave me hope for a better day.  And although it may have only been for a moment, that moment of love, gave me a moment to focus on something other than the pain.  This is what I love about friendship.  Friendship isn't always spas, ballgames, and group activities.  Friendship is sometimes just being there.

Being there in a meaningful way, which can include a concert, lunch date, or phone call.  Whatever adds meaning in the moment, is just as important, and I'd say even more important, than any robotic form of care and concern.  I challenge all of you (as well as myself), to make your relationships have meaning.  Make them more than just a check in a box of things you've done.  Make them joyous moments, grief-filled moments, shared moments of love, and moments that leave a lasting impression.  (No pressure!)

Phenomenal Woman

(One of my favorite poets has passed away today, 5/28/14. Thank you Maya Angelou, you are a phenomenal woman. Here is one of her poems.)

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.

I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size   

But when I start to tell them,

They think I’m telling lies.

I say,

It’s in the reach of my arms,

The span of my hips,   

The stride of my step,   

The curl of my lips.   

I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,   

That’s me.

I walk into a room

Just as cool as you please,   

And to a man,

The fellows stand or

Fall down on their knees.   

Then they swarm around me,

A hive of honey bees.   

I say,

It’s the fire in my eyes,   

And the flash of my teeth,   

The swing in my waist,   

And the joy in my feet.   

I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.

Men themselves have wondered   

What they see in me.

They try so much

But they can’t touch

My inner mystery.

When I try to show them,   

They say they still can’t see.   

I say,

It’s in the arch of my back,   

The sun of my smile,

The ride of my breasts,

The grace of my style.

I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.

Now you understand

Just why my head’s not bowed.   

I don’t shout or jump about

Or have to talk real loud.   

When you see me passing,

It ought to make you proud.

I say,

It’s in the click of my heels,   

The bend of my hair,   

the palm of my hand,   

The need for my care.   

’Cause I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.

Human

Like a vase

Broken on the ground

Glue the pieces back together 

Until the next time around

Look at it

Just sitting there

Has the same form

Can still be filled with air

But when the time comes

To fill it with more

Whether water, love, or trust

They seep through its core

Chinks in the armor

Won't go away

But with better hands and tools

They can reform the clay

Build a new base

And keep adding more

Don't toss it and throw it

Leave it firm on the floor

Like a vase

Sitting on the ground

Hold it all in

Don't make a sound

Yeah!

Wasn't sure at first

Is it really?

Can't be. 

Or can it?

Want every minute

Think every second 

Somehow 

It happened. 

It snuck up

Like a fox

Grabbed a hold

And won't let go 

What's left to do?

Enjoy the ride?

Hope it's a ride

For two.