Younger

I love the show Younger.  A 40 year old pretends to be 26.  It's fabulous.  Not because she's pretending, but because you realize her 40 year old self is so much better than her fake 26  year old one.  (No spoilers)

Sometimes I'm mistaken for being 20-something, or I just play along with being 20-something.  It's fun.  But in reality, I'm a happy 36 year old.  There's wisdom with age, and so much more I want to learn.  Despite my age, I still require some level of thought when a man approaches me.  I recognize that now online dating is a great means for people to connect.  I've had some nice dates using online dating sites.  Those men knew how to reach out to me in a respectful way and start a conversation.  I like that. I think there should be some effort in the approach.  By effort, I mean, proper sentence structure and maybe a question about who I am to help the conversation.

It's hard out here for us ladies.  What's going on?  It's so bad my friends are creating boyfriends for me. Lol. 

(Photo credit: SM)

Online dating is kind of sad.  It wasn't always this way.  I won't even address the level of negative prejudice apparent through profile pages.  I just want to highlight the lack of effort when contacting a woman online.  Without disclosing names or pictures, I will give you a few of the intro messages I've received from men within the last month. These are tame compared to some I've received in the past.  (i.e. Hi sexy lips. . .) This is the very first piece of communication I have from these men.  Men who have access to my profile and the information provided there. 

I will attempt to keep the capitalization, grammar, and punctuation (or lack thereof) the same as it was written to me.  A typo here or there is okay, but bad grammar as a thing, is NOT okay.   The age of the author is in parenthesis.  No doubt there are great men available.  I know some really great men between the ages of 27 - 43.  But these online sites can't seem to find any for me.  LOL.  So in the meantime, I'll just chuckle at America's education system.  Someone taught these men.  And someone or multiple someones allow them to make this type of first impression, or else they'd try a different approach.  Ladies, I implore you, don't accept mediocrity or just plain laziness.

This, my friends, is not how you should approach me for a date, in person or in text. . .

1. (35) Good morning sweetheart

2.  (32) Hey gorgeous

3.  (44) Hi my name is ___ you look beautiful nice smile

4.  (33) How u doing dis morning I hope good looking for a special lady I can take out to dinner.  Have good conversation  Long walks downtown  I am independent man single man no kids I wnt get married

5.  (44) Hiello its nice to see good people really enjoyed there selves I'm trying to do the friendly people person site alright, so you take care an finish up your walk out!

6.  (37)  Good morning beautiful women I'm j____ afro Puerto Rico man looking for a real woman like u boo I work I don't have kids I live in Country Club Hills Illinois boo

2nd message - You are xo beautiful

3rd message - I wish I was your man

7.  (35) Hello beautiful

8.  (42) Hey gorgeous your looking for me! :)

9.  (33)  Heyy there

10.  (34)  Good morning, love what type of attorney are u


There you have it.  The 2016 approach to dating.  No thank you!

The Choice - Let God Decide

It's been a busy year already. I'm so excited to keep living this life God has given me. I'm still Single in the Windy, but with so much love surrounding me, I forget to posts about my adventures. 

Lately I've been overwhelmed by God's grace and provisions for my life. It seems cliché, but I have friends and family that I love. I have made the choice to recognize how huge that blessing is in my life. 

I sit and watch the news, like most of you, and pray for the end to all the pain. Whether it's a mother losing her child to a senseless murder or hatred being thrown toward other humans because of their religion, race, sexual orientation, gender, nationality or social status; it's all sad to me. But in the middle of the grief, I'm always reminded there is joy. Joy for them, you, and me. The joy of knowing the Lord and His promises. 

I have unspeakable joy and sometimes it brings me to tears. It's easy to be single and complain. Humans are fallible.  Extremely so at times. So when I'm hurt, I process that hurt. I pinpoint what about the action or inaction of another person has caused me pain. Then I release it to God. Sometimes that means I never have to do anything, except forgive. Other times, it means I wait for God to guide me in my actions after. But what it doesn't do, is steal my joy. I remain content that God can handle anything. I know this because I've witnessed Him do it over and over again in my life and others. 

During the extended periods of hurt and pain, He uses me and strengthens my faith in Him. It's humbling to realize he trust me enough to allow me to experience strife, knowing I will continue to follow Him. He places people in my life to help me endure in those lower moments.  He's given me parents whose love is always there. I have siblings who I can call anytime. My friends keep multiplying. I see all those blessings as God's way of giving me a hug when I need it. I love hugs!

I made the choice to accept Christ into my heart over 30 years ago, and it remains the absolute best choice I've ever made in my life. 

Take Me To Church

It shouldn't still hurt

But it does

The wound starts to heal

Then hits reverse

Emotional water

Breaks through the dam

It's like a drummer

Wowing the crowd

It won't stop

It won't end

The ache is stronger

Than when it began

Breathe deep

Breathe long

Don't forget 

The Father's song

One score and a Quinceañera

As I reflect on what I've done during my 35th year of life, I can't help but be thankful. It started with wonderful celebrations with friends. And will conclude the same way. 

Everything wasn't rosy. I had friends move away, friends move on to eternity, and a number of medical-type nuisances. Through it all, I have been blessed. 

I was going to talk about every thing I did, but realized how long the list is. Wow! What a year! So I will do a quick run-down without a lot of detail. 

First and foremost I got to spend time with family all over the US. This includes the family I chose for myself through great friendships. My nieces and nephews are growing and enjoying life. That fills my heart with so much joy. Some of my friends' families grew with spouses and children as well.  I am happy I was privileged enough to share in those great moments with them.  I met a great new friend who is moving to Chicago for work this spring. Yaahhh! Can't wait! I have great friends who are still in Chicago with me that I cherish everyday. They help keep me sane and know how to put a smile on my face. One of my childhood friends came to visit and we finally saw an NBA game together.  It may have taken two decades from when we dreamed it up, but it happened. Friends and family made my year fantastic. We saw John Legend, went to summer festivals, had beach days, and discovered Stan's Donuts. Yaahhh us! 

I met some cool celebrities, too, like Bob Harper, Candice Bure, and Richard Sherman. I attended a number of memorable sporting events. I saw the Williams sisters in the US Open, Derek Jeter at Yankee stadium, the All Blacks at Soldier Field, and JJ Watt plus other NFL greats at the Pro Bowl.  It wasn't too bad watching the great Tony Bennett coach the UVA Men's basketball team all the way to the Sweet Sixteen either. 

I accomplished my own sporting milestone by completing a half-marathon. While training for it during the Winter and Spring, I had a lot of time for thoughtful reflection. It helped remind me of God's everlasting glory. Race events throughout the year were fun and exuberant. Whether I walked, ran, or just volunteered, it was an opportunity to soak up Chicago's great running community. One of the best parts about this city. 

I completed the "100 Happy Days" project and learned how many things in my days make me happy. I recommend everyone do it. I learned to knit and discovered the fun of Farmers Markets. As my 35th year came to a close, I traveled with friends, had a blast, and let my heart feel at peace. 

Thank you to everyone that contributed to my great year. I am ready to turn 35 tomorrow with all of you in my life.  As always, I love you! I can't wait to keep enjoying life with you. 

Picture Perfect

Worth a thousand words

That I can't explain

Feelings of explosion

Kept secret inside

It makes my heart beat

And break apart too

It sits there alone 

Lonely, like you? 

Friends

Over the past two weeks, I've run a half-marathon, got my wisdom teeth taken out, experienced a lot of grief for friends who are experiencing trauma, and had a family member go through surgery.  Being single in the windy is a little more poignant when there are so many things going on at the same time.  Especially when, like me, you are not just single, but also far away from biological family.  That's when the family we choose becomes more valuable.

The older I get, the more I am focused on the quality of my friendships and less focused on the quantity.  My small network of chosen family in the Chicago-land area is amazing.  I'm so thankful for their love and support.  Starting with my friend who not only cheered for me at the finish of my first half-marathon, but also signed up and did it; to the friend who waited for me to finish my surgery, took me to get my meds and milkshake, and then took me home.  These are small acts to some, but huge acts for me.

I have friends who check-in on me via texts (true friends know this is the best way to reach me) just to let me know they are thinking about me.  After experiencing this, I realize how much that means.  While I was in a great deal of pain, these small messages helped my heart, which I'm sure helped me heal faster.  It also makes me want to be this type of friend to them and others.  I appreciate those who saw me, knowing that I do not like to show weakness in public, and still asked how I was doing.  While smiling, I would give them a very truthful answer about my pain tolerance (or lack thereof).  Their small hug of encouragement and/or prayer gave me hope for a better day.  And although it may have only been for a moment, that moment of love, gave me a moment to focus on something other than the pain.  This is what I love about friendship.  Friendship isn't always spas, ballgames, and group activities.  Friendship is sometimes just being there.

Being there in a meaningful way, which can include a concert, lunch date, or phone call.  Whatever adds meaning in the moment, is just as important, and I'd say even more important, than any robotic form of care and concern.  I challenge all of you (as well as myself), to make your relationships have meaning.  Make them more than just a check in a box of things you've done.  Make them joyous moments, grief-filled moments, shared moments of love, and moments that leave a lasting impression.  (No pressure!)

Phenomenal Woman

(One of my favorite poets has passed away today, 5/28/14. Thank you Maya Angelou, you are a phenomenal woman. Here is one of her poems.)

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.

I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size   

But when I start to tell them,

They think I’m telling lies.

I say,

It’s in the reach of my arms,

The span of my hips,   

The stride of my step,   

The curl of my lips.   

I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,   

That’s me.

I walk into a room

Just as cool as you please,   

And to a man,

The fellows stand or

Fall down on their knees.   

Then they swarm around me,

A hive of honey bees.   

I say,

It’s the fire in my eyes,   

And the flash of my teeth,   

The swing in my waist,   

And the joy in my feet.   

I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.

Men themselves have wondered   

What they see in me.

They try so much

But they can’t touch

My inner mystery.

When I try to show them,   

They say they still can’t see.   

I say,

It’s in the arch of my back,   

The sun of my smile,

The ride of my breasts,

The grace of my style.

I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.

Now you understand

Just why my head’s not bowed.   

I don’t shout or jump about

Or have to talk real loud.   

When you see me passing,

It ought to make you proud.

I say,

It’s in the click of my heels,   

The bend of my hair,   

the palm of my hand,   

The need for my care.   

’Cause I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.