Traditionalist

I guess I am a little bit of a traditionalist.  I don't necesssarily want to go back to the 50's dating lifestyle, but I am from the south.  And this southern gal, thinks it is okay for some things to follow a traditional path.  Specifically, I like traditional rules for a man asking a woman out.

In the world of online dating, social networks, texting, sexting, and the like, some of the basics for "How to begin a relationship" have been lost.  Men, if you are interested in a woman, you need to ask her out.  She may say no.  And if so, just move on.  Some people mesh well, and some people don't.  If you are asking solely because you think that a woman is cute, maybe you should reconsider.  You should know something about her as a person.  She should know something about you as a person.  At the end of the day, just ask.  Do not expect her to ask you.  Do not text her "hey", in hopes that the conversation will turn into the two of you "hanging out".  "Hanging out" is not an acceptable first date.  Plan something.  Go to an event or go out to eat.  Stop being lazy with love.  Just act!

Heartbreak Hotel

My hotel here in California is the opposite of heartbreak. I have a beautiful view and great accommodations. I have been blessed to be able to see so many beautiful places in our nation and beyond. Now I get to add the beautiful houses and greenery of Anaheim to that list.

One thing I have not seen a lot of is heartbreak. God protected me until I was ready. He knew I had so much love and heartache from humanity that the eros kind of heartbreak would have to wait. And although I still have the storge love and pain, I can move to the next part of my heart journey. Which by proxy increases my philia love for friends and family. More on that in a sec.

As I navigated around, above, and below eros love, God gave me the gift of discernment (and a quick trigger finger). I can NEXT a flavor before he says "Hey baby" (in the Joey voice). And believe me, I have many times. But now that I am older and hopefully wiser, I am opening myself up to more experiences and opportunities.

Although I haven't had the gallon of ice cream, burn his stuff kind of heartbreak, I have been able to relate more to where those emotions originate. A lot of it is disappointment. Disappointments are the dents and cracks before the big shatter. One or two can last a long time, but too many at once and the shatter is close behind. As I mentioned earlier, choosing to delve deeper into my own heart has helped me with my philia love to friends. I'm more empathetic now. Most have chosen to take chance after chance with love, but are better for it. Loving and being loved along the way. Is it worth it? I don't know. But I guess that's why I am venturing farther along the path. So now I understand even more why my friend doesn't like to be friends with any of her exes. Agree or not agree with the philosophy I get it. I understand that decision not to be reminded of the hurt. I understand the choice to avoid reliving the joy you can no longer experience in that particular way with that particular person. SN: Forgiveness and friendship are two different things. You have to forgive so you don't harbor bitterness in your heart. If it's already breaking don't let bitterness be the only piece left. That should be the first piece to go. But I digress. . .

Dating is a hot mess. There are definitely different flavor categories to navigate. Which route is less rocky? We've got OCD Blvd, Immature Park, Ultra Busy Hwy, Food Nazi Court, Militant Speedway, and many others. Let's get on Ultra Busy Hwy and see how that flows.

What have you learned from heartbreak?

Spice of Life

Sometimes being single means you get to flirt with the hot flavor helping you from a business. This flavor we will call Chile (as in hot as a chile pepper). And did I mention Chile is sweet too?

I had to visit a business for 3 days straight. (It's not important why). In this circumstance, I would normally be annoyed by day 2, but not this time. I was a little pleased when he asked if I could come back. Note: I think my issue could have been resolved over the phone with other people in his company. But, Chile, did not want me to have to deal with them. Each day, he graciously dealt with crazies, while I just observed his beautiful face (ahem, and body). The first day, I was with him for 2 hours. Can you say you've gotten 2 in-person hours this week staring at pure deliciousness? (Yes, I know the men of the hotlympics have caused many a heart to flutter this week. This is even better.)

But, I digress. Chile is more than a hot flavor. We immediately hit it off when the subject of football and fantasy football came up. We have similar strategies on how to take down opponents and also shared extra tips with one another. For those of you who do not know me personally, this is very encouraging. It is hard for me to find a nice guy who also shares my love of football. He also has a healthy (by my definition) appreciation for Kevin Johnson. (This flavor is going for the gold!)

So, long story short, Chile is calling me Monday. I hope there is more to report next week.

Katniss, Real or Not Real?

The pseudo-boyfriend is an unspoken benefit of being single. What? You haven't heard of him? You probably know him by a different name. You know, he comes in many forms. He's the best friend who goes to social functions with you, the flavor who always picks up the check, you talk to him all the time but he lives in a different state, he gives you compliments-flowers-sweets, or does whatever fits your fancy.

The best thing about a pseudo-boyfriend is that you can have more than one. You get the best of flavors in the doses you choose. One of them starts getting on your nerves. . . Take a break from him and hang with another. You don't even have to have the "we were on a break" argument. If there was a real commitment, it would no longer be a pseudo relationship. Guilt-free fun. While you wait for your Mr. Right, take a pseudo-boyfriend for a ride. And if you aren't too picky, they come in different colors and sizes.

What are you waiting for, start sampling yours today.

Thousands Die in the Slurpee Battle

50 years ago many in this country wanted nothing to do with colors. In fact they would kill in a effort to keep colors out of their homes. They would condemn their sons and daughters for adding color to their family.

Now they are ready to kill because they couldn't get color into their home. They are begging their children to bring color home. Brown, red, yellow, or orange. They want it all. Unfortunately they couldn't have it all.

Due to the downturn of the economy over the last 12 years, people went crazy for free slurpee day. Tuesday saw the worse case of death due to a lack of 7.11 oz cups for free colors. People fainted in the aisles, ran over babies, and some even dropped their babies. All because they wanted to bring color home.

RIP 7-1-1 victims. May you enjoy free slurpees in heaven. They won't stay frozen in the alternative.

The Man on the Street

So bloggers and everyone else, do you talk to the man on the street? No, not the news anchor or late night host. You know, if someone you've never met or seen before hits on you while you are walking down the street, how do you respond? Does it matter what the flavor looks like?

A flavor (attractive) on a bike stopped me tonight to say he just wanted to talk to me because I was so beautiful that I caught his attention. After I realized he didn't stop me to ask directions, I proceeded to walk in the direction I needed to go. He decided to follow. (Don't worry, by this time I decided I could take him if I needed to. That or kick him off his bike and run.) Anyway, he asked my name. I would not tell him. He asked why and I asked, "Didn't his momma teach him not to talk to strangers?" That stalled him for half a second. Then he kept trying. Finally, I think he got the point that I wasn't going to budge on this "How do I get to know you game?"

Here's my opinion. This scenario is different than the bus or el stranger that you see going to and from work everyday. (job - check) He's always dressed nice and professional. (good job - check) And maybe he's noticed what books you read or what music you listen to on your iPhone, iPad, or iWannaBeVariation. That at least lends to the possibility that he likes your intellect or has common tastes. Who knows. But he knows more than what you look like on one random day. Just sayin'. So, flavor on the street, sorry, you are out of luck with this girl. I hope I don't sound like "Serena".

What do you think? How do you handle those situations?

You've Got Mail

Online dating has come a long way since Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan were star-crossed lovers. Or whatever. And I don't know if that's a good or bad thing. What I do know is that maybe a few men should take tips from the kid in that movie. Even he knew that "hi sexy" wasn't an appropriate greeting, let alone entire message. So here are some tips for the flavors who want a response from me. Obviously, you need a little help.

1) Your profile is not just a longer version of a text message. The only single letters should be "I" and "A".

2) Use basic grammar. I'm not asking for a thesis. But subject / verb agreement would be nice.

3) The phrase "hit at me" should not appear anywhere on your profile or in a message to me. I am a grown woman. I am not "hitting" at anything unless you are taking me to a ballpark. And even then, I will not hit at the ball, I will hit the ball.

4) Please do not go on and on about how women are all about drama and you don't want drama. And please do not put it in all caps. Why are you yelling?

5) Your first message to me should consist of more than just you telling me I have sexy lips.

I have more, but this is a good start.

Serena Syndrome

We all have one or two. I hope not more, because that'd be highly unbearable. We have a friend or know someone (married, in a relationship, or single) that thinks every guy in the room wants them. You know. You are having a peaceful conversation and all of a sudden she is whispering to you about the guy a few tables over who is obviously staring at her. He couldn't possibly be checking out you or one of your other three friends at the table. Nope, it has to be her.

You love this girl and like that she's in your crew. But you just want her to check her guy-dar a little. And like Serena on Gossip Girl, she may act like she doesn't want the attention. Yet can't stop talking about it. And you just want to yell "Then, stop flirting!" There is some truth that any guy in the room will focus on the girl batting her eyes, twirling her hair, and using the rest of her flirting repertoire. But it doesn't mean they want her. They, like many others, like attention too.

Interestingly enough, you and your other three friends may have noticed someone checking you or them out. But, unlike Serena, you don't feel it's worth mentioning. It's only interesting if you are checking the flavor out too. Serena, hasn't noticed this trend. She continues to talk about everyone. So, if you are friends with Serena, just turn it into a drinking game or shopping game. Every time Serena talks about that guy who wants her (that she doesn't want to talk to) take a drink or add $5 to your shopping budget. Then it's fun for everyone!

The Wedding Game

I have a wedding to attend in the Fall. You know what that means. The big invitation question. . . Will I have a plus one? My friend wants to know ASAP, only I don't know what my fall will look like. I'm not married, or in a long-term relationship (errr. . . not really anyway). So even if I ask a flavor now, who knows if that will still be the flavor I want as my plus one later? Since I have a pseudo-long-term option, I'm going with him first. We'll call him JB. JB will have to travel. But if JB could easily hop on a plane at my whim, I wouldn't have to use the prefix "pseudo." Oh well, the Fall is some time away. Wedding watch has begun. In the interim, maybe I'll date a few flavors to have back-up options.

New ground

I've wanted to start a blog for some time now.  Today, I just decided to do it.  This will be about my adventures as a single woman living in Chicago.  I tell my friends about the random situations I seem to get myself in, and they (at least pretend) to enjoy my stories.  So now I'm sharing my stories for you to read and laugh along with me.  That's right, laugh.  Because, laughing is great medicine for life.  Even if my end goal is to be married and have a family, it's not my only goal.  I also want to enjoy life.  It's been a good life too.  I've sat in a chair at the ESPN Zone on New Year's watching non-stop sports action, just so I can be called the Ultimate Couch Potato.  I've won trips (yes plural) to great places like Hawaii, Puerto Rico, and Bahamas.  I live big, and I love big.  I already love you for reading my blog.  I hope I can keep it interesting for you.  I'm a wee bit sarcastic, so it's best not to take things I write too seriously.  (I'll let you know if it's a serious issue.)

So, sit back, grab a snack, and come along for the ride.  

(Note: Some of the names will be changed to protect the idiots, any resemblance to you or a loved one is only coincidental and should not be taken personally.  However, if there is a nugget of wisdom gleaned from my writings, please take it.  It's not good to walk around in such disarray.)