Katniss, Real or Not Real?

The pseudo-boyfriend is an unspoken benefit of being single. What? You haven't heard of him? You probably know him by a different name. You know, he comes in many forms. He's the best friend who goes to social functions with you, the flavor who always picks up the check, you talk to him all the time but he lives in a different state, he gives you compliments-flowers-sweets, or does whatever fits your fancy.

The best thing about a pseudo-boyfriend is that you can have more than one. You get the best of flavors in the doses you choose. One of them starts getting on your nerves. . . Take a break from him and hang with another. You don't even have to have the "we were on a break" argument. If there was a real commitment, it would no longer be a pseudo relationship. Guilt-free fun. While you wait for your Mr. Right, take a pseudo-boyfriend for a ride. And if you aren't too picky, they come in different colors and sizes.

What are you waiting for, start sampling yours today.

Thousands Die in the Slurpee Battle

50 years ago many in this country wanted nothing to do with colors. In fact they would kill in a effort to keep colors out of their homes. They would condemn their sons and daughters for adding color to their family.

Now they are ready to kill because they couldn't get color into their home. They are begging their children to bring color home. Brown, red, yellow, or orange. They want it all. Unfortunately they couldn't have it all.

Due to the downturn of the economy over the last 12 years, people went crazy for free slurpee day. Tuesday saw the worse case of death due to a lack of 7.11 oz cups for free colors. People fainted in the aisles, ran over babies, and some even dropped their babies. All because they wanted to bring color home.

RIP 7-1-1 victims. May you enjoy free slurpees in heaven. They won't stay frozen in the alternative.

The Man on the Street

So bloggers and everyone else, do you talk to the man on the street? No, not the news anchor or late night host. You know, if someone you've never met or seen before hits on you while you are walking down the street, how do you respond? Does it matter what the flavor looks like?

A flavor (attractive) on a bike stopped me tonight to say he just wanted to talk to me because I was so beautiful that I caught his attention. After I realized he didn't stop me to ask directions, I proceeded to walk in the direction I needed to go. He decided to follow. (Don't worry, by this time I decided I could take him if I needed to. That or kick him off his bike and run.) Anyway, he asked my name. I would not tell him. He asked why and I asked, "Didn't his momma teach him not to talk to strangers?" That stalled him for half a second. Then he kept trying. Finally, I think he got the point that I wasn't going to budge on this "How do I get to know you game?"

Here's my opinion. This scenario is different than the bus or el stranger that you see going to and from work everyday. (job - check) He's always dressed nice and professional. (good job - check) And maybe he's noticed what books you read or what music you listen to on your iPhone, iPad, or iWannaBeVariation. That at least lends to the possibility that he likes your intellect or has common tastes. Who knows. But he knows more than what you look like on one random day. Just sayin'. So, flavor on the street, sorry, you are out of luck with this girl. I hope I don't sound like "Serena".

What do you think? How do you handle those situations?

You've Got Mail

Online dating has come a long way since Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan were star-crossed lovers. Or whatever. And I don't know if that's a good or bad thing. What I do know is that maybe a few men should take tips from the kid in that movie. Even he knew that "hi sexy" wasn't an appropriate greeting, let alone entire message. So here are some tips for the flavors who want a response from me. Obviously, you need a little help.

1) Your profile is not just a longer version of a text message. The only single letters should be "I" and "A".

2) Use basic grammar. I'm not asking for a thesis. But subject / verb agreement would be nice.

3) The phrase "hit at me" should not appear anywhere on your profile or in a message to me. I am a grown woman. I am not "hitting" at anything unless you are taking me to a ballpark. And even then, I will not hit at the ball, I will hit the ball.

4) Please do not go on and on about how women are all about drama and you don't want drama. And please do not put it in all caps. Why are you yelling?

5) Your first message to me should consist of more than just you telling me I have sexy lips.

I have more, but this is a good start.

Serena Syndrome

We all have one or two. I hope not more, because that'd be highly unbearable. We have a friend or know someone (married, in a relationship, or single) that thinks every guy in the room wants them. You know. You are having a peaceful conversation and all of a sudden she is whispering to you about the guy a few tables over who is obviously staring at her. He couldn't possibly be checking out you or one of your other three friends at the table. Nope, it has to be her.

You love this girl and like that she's in your crew. But you just want her to check her guy-dar a little. And like Serena on Gossip Girl, she may act like she doesn't want the attention. Yet can't stop talking about it. And you just want to yell "Then, stop flirting!" There is some truth that any guy in the room will focus on the girl batting her eyes, twirling her hair, and using the rest of her flirting repertoire. But it doesn't mean they want her. They, like many others, like attention too.

Interestingly enough, you and your other three friends may have noticed someone checking you or them out. But, unlike Serena, you don't feel it's worth mentioning. It's only interesting if you are checking the flavor out too. Serena, hasn't noticed this trend. She continues to talk about everyone. So, if you are friends with Serena, just turn it into a drinking game or shopping game. Every time Serena talks about that guy who wants her (that she doesn't want to talk to) take a drink or add $5 to your shopping budget. Then it's fun for everyone!

The Wedding Game

I have a wedding to attend in the Fall. You know what that means. The big invitation question. . . Will I have a plus one? My friend wants to know ASAP, only I don't know what my fall will look like. I'm not married, or in a long-term relationship (errr. . . not really anyway). So even if I ask a flavor now, who knows if that will still be the flavor I want as my plus one later? Since I have a pseudo-long-term option, I'm going with him first. We'll call him JB. JB will have to travel. But if JB could easily hop on a plane at my whim, I wouldn't have to use the prefix "pseudo." Oh well, the Fall is some time away. Wedding watch has begun. In the interim, maybe I'll date a few flavors to have back-up options.

New ground

I've wanted to start a blog for some time now.  Today, I just decided to do it.  This will be about my adventures as a single woman living in Chicago.  I tell my friends about the random situations I seem to get myself in, and they (at least pretend) to enjoy my stories.  So now I'm sharing my stories for you to read and laugh along with me.  That's right, laugh.  Because, laughing is great medicine for life.  Even if my end goal is to be married and have a family, it's not my only goal.  I also want to enjoy life.  It's been a good life too.  I've sat in a chair at the ESPN Zone on New Year's watching non-stop sports action, just so I can be called the Ultimate Couch Potato.  I've won trips (yes plural) to great places like Hawaii, Puerto Rico, and Bahamas.  I live big, and I love big.  I already love you for reading my blog.  I hope I can keep it interesting for you.  I'm a wee bit sarcastic, so it's best not to take things I write too seriously.  (I'll let you know if it's a serious issue.)

So, sit back, grab a snack, and come along for the ride.  

(Note: Some of the names will be changed to protect the idiots, any resemblance to you or a loved one is only coincidental and should not be taken personally.  However, if there is a nugget of wisdom gleaned from my writings, please take it.  It's not good to walk around in such disarray.)